• Who: The Logro Bachelorette Girls
• Where: Montauk
• What: Scrambled egg wrap with caramelized onions, mushrooms, avocado, tomato

As we mentally prepared for our long voyage home from the beach on Sunday, we stopped in for a quick bite at Joni’s—one of the many cute, sleepy little places we visited during our short trip to Montauk. Joni’s was great. Close by, easy, simple, no frills and delicious.

Joni’s presents itself as a smart, healthy option among the vast array of beachfront downtown restaurants and cafes downtown. Smoothies, wraps, salads, tofu-based products—all local and organic. Not really catering to the tourist crowd (or whatever version of a tourist crowd exists that far down Long Island), Joni’s seems to have developed a wide variety of regular loyalists who know to get there early, order without looking at the menu and head straight to the beach with their food rather than attempt to hunt down a spot at the communal table inside.

In an effort to learn a little more about Joni’s, I did a bit of internet research to see if my observations were shared by the masses.  Interestingly, yelp had an almost universal review of this website-less restaurant:

1. Fresh and healthy (as mentioned above)

2. Consistently long line with a bit of a wait

3. Cute decor/ambiance

4. Kind of expensive

At first glance, this would appear to be a rather typical assessment of any place. Some good stuff (the food/atmosphere), some bad stuff (not super quick and a little pricey), with the positives seeming to outweigh the negatives. I wanted to dig a little deeper, though, to see what other kinds of reviews were out there about Joni’s—just to see. I googled “Best of Montauk.” Nothing. “Breakfast in Montauk.” Nada. “Lunch in Montauk,” nothing again. (Hopefully nobody is actually tracking my Federal Government search history, because not sure how I’d explain this. I guess it’s a better search than ‘tittie bars in Montauk’).  Finally I just thought I’d look for “restaurants in Montauk.” A bunch of different sites came up, I clicked through all of them, and saw a bunch of places I recognized (including yesterday’s brunch spot). Joni’s is totally absent. It’s like it doesnt exist…

So, does Joni’s even exist? Unclear. Literally if you don’t know about it from walking by or talking to a friend or somehow hearing through the grapevine that there is some restaurant named Joni’s that serves good wraps and sandwiches and smoothies, there would be no way for you to find out anything about it. It’s not like Montauk is huge or anything, but in today’s modern technological era, how often do you find something anymore that is almost completely off the grid? It’s both awesome and frightening at the same time—awesome that places like this still exist, and frightening that I think it’s awesome that places like this still exist—it’s like we’re all SOOOO in the technology age of blackberries and 3G Ipads and Grinder that unless we can get 5% off by following following something on twitter or liking it on facebook, we might as well stay in to crochet by the fire and listen to soft jazz on our phonograph. #yuppiecatastrophe!

Anyway, Joni’s was great and just what the doctor (Dr. Wolf!) ordered after a weekend of unmentionable activities with unmentionable individuals. It is always nice to have some off the grid time, so why not end it with an off the grid brunch. If Joni’s teaches us anything, it’s that things still seem to function okay without the benefits of social media. So no website for Joni’s, and no photos from Montauk on facebook. The End.