• Who: Maggie, Sister Annie, Mama and Auntie Ford, Mrs. Scott (Jason’s mom), plus 25 of Maggie’s nearest and dearest girlfriends. And Oprah.
• Where: SoHo—NYC
• What: Tomato/Basil/Mozzarella Salad, Broccoli rabe risotto, Chocolate peanut butter cake, Petitfours, Champagne cocktails.

I saw Oprah at Maggie’s bridal shower. This wasn’t like, Oh I heard Oprah was in the neighborhood, or I was in Chicago and went into some store that Oprah really likes, or I bought every single one of Oprah’s favorite things because I want to be her. I legit saw Oprah. Like 10 feet away from me in a basically empty hotel lobby (I was on the couch far right, she walked in front of me into the open door on the far end). It was just me and her. Me and OPRAH. And what did I do at that moment to really highlight my ultra graceful, elegant, play-it-cool side? Exactly what you think I’d do: I screamed ‘OMG IT’S OPRAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ as loud as humanly possible.

I didn’t know it was going to come out of my mouth. There was no controlling it. It’s the same kind of visceral reaction you have when you see a smushed animal on the side of the road, or a super cute baby, or a floater in your toilet at work—you just make a noise that cannot be stopped in any way. And for Oprah, it’s a scream. I mean, let’s be honest here, the woman gives away cars to random strangers. What does she expect me to do!??! WOMEN FLIP OUT when they see Oprah.

The irony in all this is that, unlike a lot of my girlfriends, I am not even the biggest Oprah fan. This is not to say that I don’t love Oprah, but I’ll be honest, I probably haven’t seen an episode since the Tom Cruise jumping on the couch incident of May 23, 2005 (almost six years ago! wow!!!), and in all fairness I can’t remember anything else that happened during that show. Looking back on that clip now, however, reminds me just how influential those four minutes of TV have been to all of us. Of course it was OPRAH who broke our image of the Tom Cruise we knew from Cocktail, Rainman and Born on the Fourth of July and gave us the Tom Cruise we know today—Tom Cruise the scientologist who married Joey Potter and somehow spawned Princess Suri, who as we all know from recent editions of US Weekly is WAY to prissy to play with little Shiloh Jolie-Pitt. Oprah has ensured that every woman in America exactly reads the same books, she has taught us that yo-yo dieting is okay by gaining and losing about 3,000 lbs, she’s reunited more families, given away more vacations, worn more sweater capes, whisked more people off to LA/New York, and surprised more people with their favorite singer/actor/celebrity than anyone else on the planet. She has tackled racism, sexism, immigration, disabilities and poverty. And she was nominated for an Oscar. She is amazing.

Oprah aside, there there was another great event on Saturday, and it was Maggie’s lovely bridal shower. Maggie’s shower epitomized Maggie’s two best traits, as it was both incredibly classy and incredibly tall. The food was great, the drinks were great, and the company was outstanding. It’s always a great party when your glass is never empty.  After spending the afternoon with Maggie’s fam, though, I’m not sure what would have happened if Maggie had popped out too much under 6 feet… but I can pretty much guarantee that she would have been disowned on the spot by this bold and beautiful crew of Ford ladies. As I learned from Maggie’s aunt on Saturday, a girl should own a lot of nice pots and pans, but at the end of the day that’s not what makes a happy marriage… unless she’s planning on cooking naked.  

And what, may you ask, was Oprah doing in New York if she wasn’t at Maggie’s shower? Well after a hot tip, I think we’ve figured it out!

“I have a stack of plays in my bag right now that I am reading. And just this past weekend, I was in New York meeting with producers. We were just talking about what would be the best route to take. But yes, this is really going to happen. … Life is too short. I think that an ensemble production is the way I should go…”

Get ready, world, looks like Oprah ain’t done yet… she’s coming to BROADWAY!!!!